Devil Got My Life

Skip james’ song that has a similar name to my post title is whats playing on my cell phone right now, even though i cant even understand the twisted words he is blaring all the way back from the 1930s , i know his blue lyrics are bout my life!

yesterday morning i was doing “okay” . Ok not good , not great , just ok. ok was better than what i am now.

cant fucking keep my life straight! always fucking everything up – me. She BBMed me, 12 days we not said a word. Now she wanted to talk. Couldnt handle it if i dint “have” her.

That started it, the first straw. it bought around a series of unfortunate realizations of things i lost . LOSER – me. lost my dreams , no ! no one stole them ,but me! cause that’s the only thing i have a talent for “fucking my life”

Havent written all i wanted to write about. havent studied all i wanted to study. havent even achieved any of the things i pictured myself having as of today. Fuck ,hardly did i have to invest any effort and i would have had all i wanted. but for the lack of drive, and motivation. i depend on motivation from a source not capable of delivering.

nothing is the way i thought it would be. Should have known , nothing ever works out the way you want it to , they said, dreams of castles in clouds is unrealistic , they said, be realistic , they said . and i dint listen.

fuck me ! i could have had it all ! that’s the truth , only thing holding me back is me!

got wasted last night , in the chase for an escape from me, realized i don’t belive i can ever see my own reflection in the eye. Lie with me and wait . rains on the happiest day, the romantic(s). Watched movies filled with pain and felt at home with the characters.

fuck me! for im a criminal , i robbed myself of my happiness . nobody to blame, cept me!

woke up in the morning today , hung over , to find the fucking last straw! now my rear right tire is flat, puncture!

realized : #        “im a fucking fail”

#          ” Devil Got My Life”

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s