Skip james’ song that has a similar name to my post title is whats playing on my cell phone right now, even though i cant even understand the twisted words he is blaring all the way back from the 1930s , i know his blue lyrics are bout my life!
yesterday morning i was doing “okay” . Ok not good , not great , just ok. ok was better than what i am now.
cant fucking keep my life straight! always fucking everything up – me. She BBMed me, 12 days we not said a word. Now she wanted to talk. Couldnt handle it if i dint “have” her.
That started it, the first straw. it bought around a series of unfortunate realizations of things i lost . LOSER – me. lost my dreams , no ! no one stole them ,but me! cause that’s the only thing i have a talent for “fucking my life”
Havent written all i wanted to write about. havent studied all i wanted to study. havent even achieved any of the things i pictured myself having as of today. Fuck ,hardly did i have to invest any effort and i would have had all i wanted. but for the lack of drive, and motivation. i depend on motivation from a source not capable of delivering.
nothing is the way i thought it would be. Should have known , nothing ever works out the way you want it to , they said, dreams of castles in clouds is unrealistic , they said, be realistic , they said . and i dint listen.
fuck me ! i could have had it all ! that’s the truth , only thing holding me back is me!
got wasted last night , in the chase for an escape from me, realized i don’t belive i can ever see my own reflection in the eye. Lie with me and wait . rains on the happiest day, the romantic(s). Watched movies filled with pain and felt at home with the characters.
fuck me! for im a criminal , i robbed myself of my happiness . nobody to blame, cept me!
woke up in the morning today , hung over , to find the fucking last straw! now my rear right tire is flat, puncture!
realized : # “im a fucking fail”
# ” Devil Got My Life”